Emotional Labour – Exhausting but Common!

“Smile! You look more approachable that way!” “Don’t talk to people that way, it’s not productive.”

Don’t these sentences sound similar? They can be heard in altered versions in every field of work and unfortunately, also family settings. But do you what affect do they have on us?

When you can’t express what you feel authentically, and you just pretend to be in a different emotional and mental state for other’s benefit, it acts as a strenuous workout for our mind. Not being able to be what you want to be not only induces a huge amount of stress, it also drains our energy, leaving us frustrated, tired and feeling suffocated. Now the question arises, why is it so common?

In today’s world, it’s common to believe you have to act differently with different people, by tuning ourselves to their mental frequencies if we want to maintain good and profitable relationships with them. In an occupational setting, it’s very commonly seen with sales force, air hostesses, hotel concierges and many service providing work environment. In family settings, it’s done majorly to either keep peace with turbulent family members, or to massage someone’s ego in the name of respect. On one hand it’s appreciated to do this labour, on the other hand, people preach – ‘Be yourself and authentic, don’t be a chameleon’. It seems like we as a society actually don’t know what we want. However, it doesn’t matter what everyone as a society wants or deems acceptable. What’s takes precedence here is your physical, emotional and mental state. I don’t support being overly selfish or indifferent towards others feelings. What I want to promote is, respectfully saying and acting according to what’s on our mind and how we feel. I want that us denying to do this emotional labour should be mutually respected by everyone as a community. This will not only encourage acceptance and freedom, but also enhance our empathetic skills.

So my dear readers, I just want to say, be authentically yourself. Your intention is what matters. How your actions or behaviour is interpreted is not in your hands, neither is your problem. Never do this unpaid labour which results in betraying your own mind. Accept others, express yourself, spread love and kindness, appreciate the similarities and respect the differences. Hopefully by this, we can make world a more relaxed and better place to live in.

A White Christmas!!!

Hola amigos,

So it’s been more than a year since I wrote something here. This plot for thought ran barren throughout last year and now I am attempting to revive it. And what better than the Christmas month!

Christmas has always been close to my heart, whether it was gifts from mumma, the decorations of malls in the city, or simply the fact that this festival revolved around presents (I am child at heart, excuse me for that!). I remember I used to wake up on 25th December of every year, all cozied up in a blanket, and mumma used to come, kiss me good morning, and hand me a Christmas present. The feeling was unbelievable. But now, when I think about it, I ponder – Do I love Christmas, or the thoughts and ideas behind it?

You see, I have never gotten an opportunity to visit a church, or sing Christmas carols, but my heart always gets all bubbly and giggly around this festival. And I think I know why. I think I am smitten by the vibes of this snowy fest. All the activities fit like a puzzle with this Winter season. The cozy blankets, drinking hot chocolate, having candies and sweets (well that’s for all year around 🤣), decorating Christmas tree near fireplace, building snowmen, etc etc etc. This brings me to another realisation…the activities, environment, presents are of course precious, but the thoughts behind them are invaluable!

The thought of gratitude and appreciation behind receiving and giving gifts, the thought of togetherness behind watching Christmas movies with family and friends, the thought of creativity behind decorating and building Christmas trees and snowmen, the thought of sharing & caring while having dinners and drinks with our loved ones, every thought counts and every thought is irreplaceable.

So now, I invite you to think – is it not the thought that counts rather than the technicalities of a festival? Will it be a less of celebration if instead of decorating my Christmas tree, I plant a new tree in my garden? Will it dull the Christmas vibe if instead of a grand dinner, I donate food and winter necessities for people who are less fortunate than us? Will it lessen our joy if instead of giving gifts to each other, we make sure none of the orphan children go to sleep without a present? Will it not be Christmas if instead of just being with family, we celebrate with all the beings who don’t have anyone to call their own? For me that’s the true Christmas spirit.

Therefore, my lovely readers, I want you all to celebrate this lovely fest of joy, kindness, love and gratitude with all your heart and soul, and also spread the joy and love as much as you can. Every act of kindness and affection, no matter how small, brings a little more positivity in this trying and ruthless world. Spread love, stay blessed, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Is Empathy Everyone’s Cup Of Tea? – A Neuroanatomical Perspective

Hello there all my lovely readers! Today I am here to help you understand empathy with respect to your ultimate boss – your brain. My objective here is not go into a detailed neuroanatomy lecture but to give you people a basic insight to the functioning of the brain generating empathy.

All of us have brain cells or nerve cells called neurons. There are various types of neurons but when it comes to empathy, only one comes to play the major role – mirror neurons. Mirror neurons get activated in our brain both the times – when we perform certain actions and when we see others performing the same action. 

Now even though it may seem quite confusing, it’s actually not. Mirror neurons effectively ‘mirror’ or imitate the actions performed by other people giving us a fair idea of the other person’s experience. This is the reason why mirror neurons play a major role in generating empathy and also learning functions of the brain. 

To have a further understanding, I first want to clear what actually empathy is. In layman terms, empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes so that you can understand and feel what that person is actually going through. This trait is the building block for kindness, non-judgemental attitude and acceptance. Instead of nitpicking other person’s actions and forming viewpoints, empathetic people understand that each person is going through certain situations which they have no idea about. They keep themselves in the place of that person and try to get a glimpse of that person’s thought process and reasoning. This is the reason why empathetic people are more accepting and kind as compared to non-empathetic ones.

Now, coming back to the founder of human empathy – the mirror neurons. To have a clearer idea, given below is an excerpt from the interview of Neuroscientist V.S. Ramachandran by Jason Marsh. Here is what he said when asked about mirror neurons generating emotional responses – 

“Well, people have asked me that already, and I don’t know much about it. All I know is they are involved in empathy for, say, touch or a gentle caress or pain. For example, pretend somebody pokes my left thumb with a needle. We know that the insular cortex fires cells and we experience a painful sensation. The agony of pain is probably experienced in a region called the anterior cingulate, where there are cells that respond to pain. The next stage in pain processing, we experience the agony, the painfulness, the affective quality of pain. It turns out these anterior cingulate neurons that respond to my thumb being poked will also fire when I watch you being poked—but only a subset of them. There are non-mirror neuron pain neurons and there are mirror neuron pain neurons. So these [mirror] neurons are probably involved in empathy for pain. If I really and truly empathize with your pain, I need to experience it myself. That’s what the mirror neurons are doing, allowing me to empathize with your pain—saying, in effect, that person is experiencing the same agony and excruciating pain as you would if somebody were to poke you with a needle directly. That’s the basis of all empathy.”

Mirror neurons and their role in empathy is that of a vital one. They create something known as emotional contagion. It mainly means, as the name suggests, that emotions are contagious. There is a reason for us saying that a single individual can be the ‘life of the party’ or when our mood is affected when we see our loved ones with a low mood and the reason is this emotional contagion created by mirror neurons. The effect that mirror neurons have when it comes to emotional responses and empathy can be easily equated to passive smoking. 

Now a question may arise that if we all have these mirror neurons, then why is it that some people are empathetic while others are not. I can make only a mere attempt to answer this. All of us ‘homo sapiens’ have the same organs anatomically. Then why each of our bodies function in different ways? Every function along with existing individually is very much influenced by other activities and functions going on in our body. Similar is the case with empathy generation. As we all have these mirror neurons with us, each of us is capable of generating empathy, but what if this empathy generation is clouded with or dominated by self-serving bias (a perception error where a person he is always right and can never perceive his faults or negativity), for example? If it happens then even when you will get an idea of what the other person is going through, you will compare it with what you think you would have done better and not generate a single ounce of empathetic response.

So, in a nutshell, what I intended as the major takeaway of this writeup was, each one of us is capable of having empathy and we all know it very well how scarce empathy has become in this world. Just imagine if each one of us consider ourselves humans first and try inculcating and nurturing empathy in ourselves, what a beautiful place this world will become. Therefore, let us all try having a little bit of empathy everyday and see this world becoming a better place to live in. Stay healthy, spread love and stay blessed!

The Loud Silence!

This oxymoronic title is not just a click-bait. I am going to talk about just this – the silence which becomes the loudest noise in your own abode, your mind.This post is not an informative one, it’s anecdotal. I am going to share what this ‘loud silence’ means and how this has affected my life.

Like everyone of us, I too have faced some traumatic events in my life which started to buildup in my mind like a creeper who never stops growing. It was feeding on my happiness, my motivation, my drive, my inner peace. It had reached to a point where I couldn’t even sleep properly. Do you know the feeling where you have a very blank or neutral face on the outside but on the inside you are shouting, shreiking on the top of your voice, and no one can hear you! Yes, I was the living personification of this sentence and sometimes, unfortunately, I still am. 

This invisible shouting, the restless mind, the built-up frustration, anger boiling in your whole body and your silence, makes this the loudest noise in your mind to an extent where all you can hear is this unpleasant, loud, border-line demonic shreiks in your head. Not a single melody of positivity, love, care, support is able to reach you. All you can hear is this inner loud scream and the outer silence. And trust me, this is the worst thing you can experience.

Can we drown out this ‘loud silence’ you ask? Well, this writeup is attempting just this. This is my attempt to allowing myself to weed out this creeper and make some space for the inner peace to bloom. Yes, you guessed it right, this scream, this unsettling roar inside us, can only be silenced when we start to sharing this out-loud. When we end the outer silence, and let out this monstrous howl inside of us, then only we can get rid of this ‘loud silence’. It doesn’t matter if you are lucky enough to get an empathetic audience to listen to this, because in reality, 99% of the time you don’t. Not everyone can understand this turmoil inside your head, and you know what, it’s okay. It’s okay if you don’t have anyone who understands what you are going through. It’s okay if someone calls you out for disturbing their peace by sharing your ‘loud silence’. It’s okay, and it will get better. You know why? Because you are there for yourself. Don’t share your ‘loud silence’ in an expectation of getting an understanding response in return. Share it so that you can get some space in your mind for all the love, the care, the positive vibes which is around you. Share it so that your mind, your exhausted, tired mind, can finally hear the sweet, calming tunes of inner peace. It’s not necessary that people will get what you went through or are going through, but you know that, and you understand the amount of courage and persistent efforts it took for you to conquer those inner battles. No one can actually fully understand the battles and wounds, but you can start the healing by not keeping the wound under the thousand layers of hush and giving it some open air of sharing so that it can finally heal.

I know what this ‘loud silence’ does to your mind and how you crouch in a corner, all by yourself, so that you can get a calm for 1 single second. So this is me, sharing my ‘loud silence’, out-loud, so that I can have some time and space to listen to the melody, the tunes of all things good around me. I don’t expect your empathy, sympathy or understanding. I just want you to know, if you ever decide to share your own ‘loud silence’, I am here to listen. You are not alone. I am there for you. Don’t suffer in silence. Let’s all come together so that we can finally, in true sense, start to heal.

Stay healthy, spread love and stay blessed! 

Perfectionism – A Friend Or A Foe?

Hello there my lovely readers. Today I am here with the question that has troubled a lot of us including myself – is being a perfectionist an advantage or not? Irrespective of the field in which we work in, we all strive for the best performance we can give to the tasks allotted to us. But does the trait of perfectionism hold us back or give us a head-start?

Perfectionism is something which can be very polarizing in someone’s success. Not everyone is benefitted from this very popular trait and there needs to be a proper balance of this ingredient for the success dish to be tasty and edible. You must be thinking what do I mean by perfectionism is not necessary? Am I telling you to strive for mediocrity? No. Am I telling you to not focus on improvement? No. Am I telling you to be realistic with your goals and ambitions and strive for consistent personal imporovement instead of sky-rocketing perfection in one day? Yes.

Perfectionism can only help you if you how to use it for honing your skills and becoming better than you were yesterday. If not used properly, perfectionism can lead to demotivation, procrastination, inability to appreciate small achievements and practically self-sabotaging the gradual success in the name of immediate excellence for instant gratification, which is by the way, not very realistic to aim for. 

Now a major question arises. How to befriend perfectionism so that it lends you a hand on the ladder of excellence? Well it’s very easy. The answer lies in a very old proverb which we use unconsciously in our day-to-day life – Practice makes perfect! If you want to reach your full potential – your version of perfectionism – you need to work on the self-improvement daily. The main question which you have to ask yourself everyday at the end of the day is – “Was I better than I was yesterday?” If your answer is yes, then congratulations – you are one step ahead in the journey towards perfectionism. I have always heard people say that old is gold. I definitely believe it when it comes to old proverbs and sayings. They just ooze with wisdom which can guide us at every step of life. One such proverb clears the doubt encircling the concept of perfectionism. The beautiful saying is – “No one is perfect. There is always an scope for improvement.” Now you will ask me that are we running after an unattainable goal and wasting our time? The answer is no. As I mentioned before, perfectionism is a concept which can help you to improve yourself on a daily basis so that you can reach your full potential and beyond. What I mean by this is, your first movie after graduating from a film school doesn’t need to receive an Oscar in the first try. It just needs to be better than that short-film assignment you did in your college. Making mistakes, learning from those mistakes, acknowledging that improvement, celebrating yourself for the achieved improvement and then preparing yourself for being better tomorrow than today is what befriending perfectionism looks like. Beating yourself up for not meeting ‘performance standards’ in your initial days which were set by an already accomplished personality in your field is you making perfectionism your arch-nemesis and it is going to do nothing but demotivate you. You have to learn to crawl, then walk and then run to minimise mistakes and achieving excellence in the final sprint. Your ideal personality too started from zero. Give yourself a chance to learn, to make mistakes and to improve those mistakes so as to become better and wiser than yesterday. 

P.S. If you want some tips on how to monitor your daily progress and consistent improvement, do let me know in the comment section below and I will write a separate article for it.

So, in a nutshell, just keep in mind, you are the best judge of yourself, your performance from the previous day is the best scale to measure today’s performance and only consistent and gradual improvement can actually take you towards excellence.

Stay healthy, spread love, and stay blessed!!!

Toxic Positivity : The Dark Alley of the Bright Side!

Hello readers! In this article, I want to talk about toxic positivity. No, it’s not an oxymoron and yes, it’s a very real problem.

As a psychology student, I know the power of positive thinking and vibes and I can never deny their benefits. But as every coin has two sides, there is a negative pole to this positive thinking. As the most ‘woke’ generation that has ever existed, we all know that anything exceeding a certain limit can be harmful, even lethal. It doesn’t matter whether it is sugar or positivity. Expecting your mind to be ‘always positive like a sunny day’ is not only being idiotic but also cruel to it.

In layman terms, toxic positivity is believing that the only source of survival is being positive 24/7. I know, sounds stupid right? Let me explain this by an example, what will you feel if you get only desserts as your food for breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, snacks, all day, everyday of your lives? What will happen if you are allowed only this flavour in your food and nothing else? You guessed it right. You will get sick of eating. Well, emotions are the flavours of the dish called life. And every emotion is equally important to enjoy this dish in a fulfilling way. Stuffing your mind only with sweet positivity will only give it diabetes and that is obviously not the goal. In fact, toxic positivity is a tree with many branches; tolerating abuse, neglecting self-needs, succumbing to peer pressure, staying in a work environment with zero progress being some of them. It applies to all walks of life, including personal and professional life. Drinking poison while telling your mind that it’s an elixir is never going to help you.

Now the question comes that is being positive wrong? And the answer is a big no! Positive thinking is a very strong tool if it is used in a balanced moderation. It helps when we have no motivation, when we are hopeless and when we are trying desperately to console ourselves. Believing in yourself and your handwork, loving yourself, not getting demotivated by failures all have their roots in healthy positive thinking. But ignoring the legit problems of your life like mental illness and personal & professional issues by thinking that it’s a phase and it will soon pass if you keep forcing yourself to look at the ‘bright side’ and lecturing people with mental health issues that it’s ‘very easy’ to get out their problems just by ‘thinking positive’ is unhelpful and very toxic to your and other’s already injured health, both physical and mental.

Dealing with toxic positivity is tough. One of the main reasons for this is the limited amount of awareness surrounding this very serious issue. As the conversations around mental health issues are climbing and now everyone has an opinion on it, it has become a lot more difficult to differentiate between toxic and healthy positivity. I will try to explain this very thin line of difference in a few words. Healthy positivity is feeling all the emotions, irrespective of their nature, realising that you are feeling them, allowing yourself some time to deal with those emotions and then brainstorming reminding yourself about the solutions to those emotions. Avoiding emotions that you are feeling beyond a certain limit can be very dangerous and brutal to your overall wellbeing. Many times, leaving a job, breaking up with someone, taking a break from everything are the most positive actions that you can take. The only thing to keep in mind is the intention behind these actions. Here thought awareness comes into play which is again a branch of healthy positivity. Being aware of the thoughts behind your actions decide your intention. If you are breaking contact with someone to show them your importance and make them realise their love for you, then the intention is not right and you won’t be able to complete that action successfully. If in the same case, your intention is gaining your own mental peace and wellbeing without holding any grudges and increasing any more complications, then your intention is perfectly right and it can not be more positive than that. One more way to understand the difference between healthy and toxic positivity is imagining a scale with negativity (extreme negative thinking) and toxic positivity at extreme ends of the scale. The mid-point, being perfectly balanced is healthy positivity and we should aim at reaching that point.

So people, the only objective of this article was to make you all aware that it’s completely normal and even important to feel all kinds of emotions whether they are positive or negative. Only then we can expect ourselves to accept, deal and heal from those emotions. Be very clear in differentiating between toxic and healthy positivity. Think positive but not so much that there is no space for any other emotion.

Spread love and stay blessed!

The 3 P’s for a Successful PhD & Successful Life!!!

Heya fellow PhD’s and my lovely readers,

I know the title of this article sounds like a boring marketing theory, but trust me, I have tried my best for it to be anything but boring. I am about to give you some tried and tested tips and tricks to incubate and successfully maintain the 3 P’s for success – whether for PhD or for life. It may be a long read, but trust me, it will be worth it! (I sincerely hope so!)

Now you must be thinking what are these three P’s I am raving about since the title. For that, first I want you to know what success means for me. Success for me is nothing but mental satisfaction and peace. Having dealt with fair share of mental health problems, I now know what is the value of this mental inner peace, and that is my ultimate goal for being successful. Now, as we are clear about this, here they are, the 3 P’s for success:

1. Productivity
2. Positivity
3. Peace

Now you must be wondering, how can peace be a goal and a pathway towards the goal. Let me be clear, reaching inner mental peace can be one hell of a job and if we try to implement techniques which give birth to and nurture the very idea of peace, then only we can easily reach to the ultimate inner peace. And this becomes all the more important when we are into a field like PhD where you are giving your brain a 24/7 cardio workout!

Coming to the tips and tricks! For making these 3 P’s, a part and parcel of your routine, here are few tips which helped me a lot in remaining calm and composed in my personal and professional (PhD) life.

(1) Morning Routine: 

Tell me honestly, did this point remind you of your mom, because it sure as hell reminded me of mine! I know you all must be tired of hearing the importance of a daily morning routine from your family and all the motivation gurus, but trust me, it deserves this attention. According to me, a sustainable morning routine is quite subjective, it can never be ‘one size fits all’. What can work according to my thinking is waking up early, drinking some water, a short 15 mins exercise, healthy breakfast, meditation, reading, writing my first thoughts after waking up in my journal and making a to-do list for the day; and these are not necessarily in the same order everyday! But important is to include them in your morning routine daily, and you will definitely see the difference.

(2) Making a to-do list:

Making a to-do list seems to be a very easy task, what is difficult is maintaining it. Forming a doable to-do list is nothing less than art, and similarly as the morning routine, this is also subjective and should be created according to your personal priorities and capabilities. Some tips for making a task list are: distinguish list items according to time required and their importance; use calendar for scheduling the items; time block every task (this makes it very easy to say no to less important tasks – “No, I can’t come to that party as I have a call scheduled from 8:00 to 9:00 pm”.); schedule the most important tasks in the morning (it makes your day, literally!); give yourself some flexibility to reschedule (we still can’t predict the future guys!) and last but not the least, treat the tasks in your list as doctor’s appointment – you don’t cancel them until and unless something damn urgent comes. But after all this, it all comes down to your grit and commitment to follow the list as sincerely as possible.

(3) Day Ending Ritual:

As we saw above, ending the day with a routine is equally important as starting your morning with one. This is when you plan and give some time to yourself and people involved in your personal life. As subjective as the other tips and tricks, some things which you can keep in mind while concluding your day are: evaluate, review, reschedule (this results in better plans and to-do lists for the next day and empties your mind from the next day plans for the evening); leave on a positive note (saying good-byes with a smile or just patting your back for the objectives you achieved); tidy up your desk (this is of vital importance – especially for people in academia and research – a cluttered desk will result in a cluttered mind!); and last but not the least, try to complete the menial tasks which are due for tomorrow but can be done today without resulting in exertion (ex: mailing a colleague to inform about an upcoming project meeting). All this will actually help you to enjoy & relax for the remaining evening, create a barrier between personal & work life and positively being ready for the next day.

(4) Weekend Routines:

How many of us desperately wait for the weekends the whole week, do nothing on the weekends, regret on Sunday evening that you did nothing and start your Mondays with that same desperate wait for the weekend. Sounds familiar, right? This happens with majority of us. Utilising your weekends optimally is one of the biggest tools in maintaining a healthy balance between work and personal life and also maintaining the inner satisfaction and positivity that I am talking about since the starting. Some tips for planning your weekend according to my thought process are: maintain your morning routine (this prevents you from disrupting your sleep cycle); keep a different schedule and to-do list for weekends; take a break & recharge (hobbies, movies, outings or a simple day alone at home); get off the grid (meaning switching off those work emails and tasks till Monday – weekends are for you!); make out time for your passion (brings positivity and a sense of balance in your mind); exercise lightly; reflect on the week and write it down (it will act like a weekly review so you know what you achieved and what should be rescheduled); prepare for Monday (it will shield you from the Monday blues and you will wake up confident and motivated); and last but not the least, give yourself at least an hour which is only for you!

So guys, all these tips actually help us in maintaining the 3 P’s for a successful PhD and life. Maintaining all these points take care of your physical as well as mental health which in turn fertilises the strong roots of these 3 P’s. And again I would like to mention that all of tips I mentioned above are completely subjective and needs to be tailored to your individual needs, capabilities and goals. I sincerely hope this helped you at least a little to increase Positivity, Productivity and Peace in your daily life.

Keep smiling, spread love and stay blessed!

 

The Ultimate Stress Survival Kit!!!

Hello all!!

So in one of my previous articles, I mentioned that I will be doing a post on which tools and techniques actually helped me to cope up with the stress I faced during lockdown and PhD. So here it is. Given below are some pathways which lead me to the peaceful nooks and corners which I desperately needed.

P.S. This is not a sponsored post. These are my personal tools which have helped me cope!

1. Planner: For the difficult task of juggling academics and extracurricular activities, the TimeBox planner by Attitude Books is an effective game changer. It has divisions to plan tasks, organise routines, cultivate habits, creative corners, monitor fitness and social media and much more. It has an attractive and user-friendly design. I would definitely recommend this to anyone and everyone who wants to holistically plan and bring their personal and professional life back on track!

See buying details here.

2. Whiteboards: Fans of Big Bang Theory have often seen Sheldon, Howard, Leonard and Raj working their advanced Physics problems on their whiteboards. When it comes to maintaining daily ‘Thought of the Day’, which if I may tell you helps with retaining positivity throughout the day, whiteboards do come in handy. Also whether it is elaborate plans or elaborate academic problems faced by us PhD scholars, working on the whiteboard saves stationery and you get ample of space to work on. So investing in a whiteboard or whiteboard sheets is something which you won’t regret!

Buy it here.

3. The all-time saviour – Music! : This is a no-brainer that music is the ultimate stress reliever. It is nature’s healer and it always stands true to this name. We can’t deny the fact that there are so many moments when we feel overwhelmed with the amount of work pending or just the frightening scenes outside during this pandemic. There are many playlists and podcasts to follow for peaceful music and melodies. I am mentioning here my top 3 go-to playlists which help me to relax when my mind is a mess!

(i) Pain Relief Energetic Healing (Epsilon Binaural Beats)

(ii) Celtic Instrumental Music (Relax, Study and Focus)

(iii) Meditation Music 2020

4. Reference Manager: Ok, so this point is exclusively for all the research/PhD scholars out there. When we have a magnum amount of papers to be read and then to be stored and referred to later, a strong reference manager looks like a knight in shining armour. This is a personal choice as some people feel comfortable managing and referencing all their papers manually. As far as I am concerned, I prefer the use of reference managers as they help in reducing a lot of clutter and stress from my mind. My go-to managers are:

(i) Mendeley It works both on Windows and Mac and has a MS Word plug-in which makes in-text citations and bibliography creation , a smooth task.

(ii) Zotero It is very similar to Mendeley. A plus point is it also has a plug-in for Google Docs for people storing and working pre-dominantly in Google Drive.

5. Application Timer: Last but not the least, this is a tool found in most of the smartphones and also there are a lot of apps for this available. As I mentioned in my last article, Social Media Depression is becoming a big issue and if beginning to dominate as the major cause of stress. So the time we spend on Social Media should be monitored. Keeping an allotted specified time works as you are not being overwhelmed but also you are not cut-off from everyone. You can monitor which apps are consuming most of your time, get weekly statistics and control your social media interaction without completely barring it. It becomes best of both worlds!

So here it is people, my top 5 tools to save me from the doom of stress and fatigue. I hope at least some of these will help you cope with yours. It is a very subjective choice as to how people like to relax and what tools they prefer in their day-to-day life. If there is none of your preferences in this list then don’t worry. Sit and introspect for few minutes. What is the one thing which comes to your mind when you think about being the most stressful. Make a list of stress triggers like this. Then for every situation think and search what will you like to do to get cope with it. That way you can get your own tool kit for stress relief. Either ways, just know, you can do it!

Keep smiling, spread love and stay blessed!

 

Social Media Depression and PhD!

“Did you see the number of online courses Neha completed in this lockdown! I can’t imagine doing that many courses!”

“What? He bought a new laptop!! It will be so easy for him to do his work now. Why do I always have to compromise with less!”

The occurrences of these sentences and many more aren’t very rare when it comes to our mind. Social media, which in some sense, is a boon to the human society, has a dark side to it too. But the important thing is, every coin has two sides. Which one are we going to focus on?

Now let me tell you, social media has proven itself to be a saviour, a knight in the shining armour in so many causes, mental health awareness being one of them. People are sharing more and more the importance of mental health awareness and trying so hard to remove the stigma surrounding it. So many movements supporting mental health were birthed from the womb of social media. But as I said, the other side of this coin, is the dark one.

Social media depression is on a rise since our involvement with its different platforms is increasing day by day. What is social media depression you ask? Well, one of the major causes of depression is dissatisfaction and hopelessness ingrained in a person’s mind. And what do you think happens when your life going into a spiralling mess and all you can see is Sharmaji’s son’s achievements, your batchmate’s wedding and your colleague’s exotic holiday pictures. Yes, the dissatisfaction very easily slithers inside your mind, showing you all your shortcomings under a magnifying glass. This magnified look makes a speed breaker  look like the Mt. Everest and the hopelessness of never being able to overcome it is what defeats you even before you enter the battlefield. Social Media Depression is becoming a real threat day by day. Cyber bullying and trolling is the darkest ally in the city of Social Media Depression. And unfortunately, currently, there are no superheroes to be seen which can effectively clean these allies.

Now your next question must be, how this relates to PhD? Do you know, in general, a PhD takes around 4-5 years to get successfully completed. It’s a slow process and as I mentioned in my previous article, this process is an emotional roller coaster. It is not rare to lose motivation at some point or get frustrated with the required amount of hard-work and time investment in a PhD. These can become one of the lowest points in one’s PhD journey. And what will happen if during these low points you see your college batchmate buying his dream house as he is now well-settled in his job, about to marry the love of his life? What about that cousin WhatsApp group where you are the ‘nerdy outsider’ who has nothing to do in life but to study and are always considered boring? Or you see your PhD colleague publishing a paper in such a reputed journal that she is getting an award? What about that aunty, who keeps commenting on your posts and photos, asking when will you finally graduate? And here you are, crying over being unable to write even the introduction part of your thesis. Yes, you guessed it right, these scenarios will directly push you into a negativity spiral which is damn difficult to escape from.

A recent report on graduate (PhD) student mental health at UC Berkeley revealed that 45% of graduate students suffer from severe stress, and almost 60% students knew somebody who was suffering from severe mental health issues affecting their personal lives and/or academic performances. These numbers are so alarming. Now let me be clear, social media is not the only cause here, but it definitely is playing a major role in the increasing mental health issues among PhD graduates.

Academia is one of the strongest and most vital brick in the monument of a nation’s development. And people who are contributing in building this block are doing something which will not only be useful now but also for the future generations. Stop asking your friends who are pursuing their PhD about when they will FINALLY graduate. Stop asking your grandchildren when they are going to stop studying and FINALLY settle down. Stop asking your relative’s children and neighbour’s children about when they are going to get REAL JOBS and start earning. PhD is in itself a steep mountain climb. Don’t become an extra burden on this climb. And to my fellow strong climbers, stop comparing your lives with others. I know it’s tough to see people getting ahead in life at a faster pace than you, but remember, you are giving back to the society, to the nation, something which is a valuable for present as well as future development. The low moments are hard to recover from. Just know, your work is important, it’s valuable and every failure is a new lesson which is a stepping stone towards the grand success you deserve. Please don’t lose hope and continue to be the strong builder of nation’s future you truly are.

Keep smiling, spread love and stay blessed!!!

Has enthusiasm become a ghost in your PhD journey????

PhD…Doctor of Philosophy…such oomph factor when you hear these words, am I right or am I right?

Hello guys, first of all, sorry for not being active here since so long, almost 3-4 years. I was just strangled in the mess called life, trying to sort things. Now I am back, and I am here to stay!

Coming back to my point, pursuing a Phd degree maybe one of the biggest commitments you make in your life. It was for me. Holding a doctorate degree in the field you love gives us such sense of pride and accomplishment, we almost forget how much effort actually goes into getting to that point. Well, I am here to burst your sweet bubble and pull you back to reality. A PhD journey, exactly like life, is not a bed of roses. And no one can understand this better than people who have completed this journey or are on their way to do so.

So what actually happens? If it’s not all roses, what are the thorns? Well, the answer to this question differs from person to person. We research scholars all start this expedition with such excitement and enthusiasm. We immerse ourselves in the deep ocean of work in front of us. But do you know what is the biggest mistake some of us make? We forget to come up from the ocean to catch some breath of fresh air. And trust me, if we make this mistake, all that passion and zeal gets used up and we start to suffocate with boredom and the sense being burdened and unaccomplished. This degree is more than mere work and assignments. It is an emotional roller-coaster. It’s a ride of a lifetime, and we should be prepared to enjoy and scream but not to have an upset stomach or vertigo.

I will tell you about my experience. This is the second year of my doctorate degree. I chose to pursue this because it was my passion to make a career in the field of academia. I was fully motivated to complete my work with utter sincerity and excellence. I had so many dreams, many papers being published and completing the work in less time than assigned being the biggest ones amongst them. But alas!, I did the mistake I mentioned before. I somehow got so attached to the whole work process that even a mention of the next assignment or further work by my supervisor started giving me anxiety. I would think of the work ahead and all these negative scenarios would pop-up in my head. I would feel like I can not accomplish anything and I would begin thinking if even it was a right choice for me! I was becoming a mess! But then, one day, I decided to not let all of these affect my mind so much. I started to divide my attention like pizza slices. My hobbies, my leisures, my relaxation, my social life and my personal life, all were getting equal slices and therefore everybody was satiated. And then I saw a surge in my research productivity. I was able to concentrate better and that resulted in a smooth and speedy task completion.

P.S., do let me know if you want to know about what helped me cope up with all this. I would do a complete different post about it for you guys!

Anyway, so you see people, I realise that what my mom used to tell me was the biggest secret of a calm life: “Don’t immerse yourself into anything so much, that your own peace dies by drowning!”

On this note, I would like to wish everyone who is a part of PhD fraternity, thinking of being a part of it, or belongs to a completely different domain of work, a sense of calm and inner peace. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is more important than that!

Spread love, be happy and stay blessed!!!